Those of you that have the dubious honour of following these inane ramblings will probably know that every now and then you are lucky enough to have your erstwhile seated person (me) take a back, uh, seat while his wife takes up the writing reins.
If not, and you’d care to familiarise yourself with the wonderful woman’s words you can look back to last week’s post, which, for convenience, you can find here.
The reason I mention it, and why it might be an idea to familiarise yourself with Tina (the wife in question), is that today’s post is all about her, or rather having the privilege of caring for her.
Any Requests
Now, before I continue, I will say that I’m writing this, not just with Tina’s permission, but her specific request to do so ringing in my ears. That’s right, she did in fact ask me to write upon this subject and, being the dutiful husband I am, here we are.
Not that the request makes it any easier.
You see, Tina wanted me to share what it’s like to live with someone who suffers from depression, anxiety, and a history of having the self-worth beaten out of her. She wanted me to give you a taste of the challenges, but, as I write, the severity of those challenges seems to want to run away from me. This is my wife. I do what any husband should do. I look after her.
That might sound a little sexist and patriarchal, and I don’t mean it to. It’s not because a husband’s lot incorporates some (insert deity or world view of your choice) given right to look after the little lady. No, myself and Tina’s relationship is very much based on mutual support, it’s just that, at the moment I’m not talking about the support she provides me, but the support I try to provide her.
I hope that makes sense.
Stormbreak
Tina is doing a lot, lot better these days after having what amounted to a full mental breakdown some two and a bit years ago, maybe closer to three. The storm of those days has abated somewhat, although the threat of dark clouds gathering is always evident.
In those rollercoaster days, when self-harm reared its ugly head with full ferocity, I took the measures of hiding every sharp knife we had in the house, and even throwing most of them away. I also became used to watching her like a hawk, locking the door to prevent her running out into the street (A threat that was issued), and keeping an eye on her medication. They were trying times, but fortunately I did, in the shape of Tina’s sister, have some help.
You see, Tina wanted me to share what it’s like to live with someone who suffers from depression, anxiety, and a history of having the self-worth beaten out of her. She wanted me to give you a taste of the challenges, but, as I write, the severity of those challenges seems to want to run away from me. This is my wife. I do what any husband should do. I look after her.
That might sound a little sexist and patriarchal, and I don’t mean it to. It’s not because a husband’s lot incorporates some (insert deity or world view of your choice) given right to look after the little lady. No, myself and Tina’s relationship is very much based on mutual support, it’s just that, at the moment I’m not talking about the support she provides me, but the support I try to provide her.
I hope that makes sense.
Stormbreak
Tina is doing a lot, lot better these days after having what amounted to a full mental breakdown some two and a bit years ago, maybe closer to three. The storm of those days has abated somewhat, although the threat of dark clouds gathering is always evident.
In those rollercoaster days, when self-harm reared its ugly head with full ferocity, I took the measures of hiding every sharp knife we had in the house, and even throwing most of them away. I also became used to watching her like a hawk, locking the door to prevent her running out into the street (A threat that was issued), and keeping an eye on her medication. They were trying times, but fortunately I did, in the shape of Tina’s sister, have some help.
Then it became a matter of helping to get Tina the professional help she needed. Help she still does. It was gentle nudging, less gentle shouting, and lots of nagging. Until, eventually that help was asked for and gained. Tina now has a brilliant CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) and a wonderful group she attends which have both helped support her greatly.
As you might expect, medication is in the mix as well, and it has become part of my routine to monitor this as well. Not, thankfully, due to any fears of overdose, but more to make sure the right tablets are taken on a daily basis, and before anything too taxing crops up (we’re talking, shopping, crossing a road, some telephone calls, and anything upwards).
What else?
Taskmaster
Well, on a day-to-day basis, I think one of the most important things is recognising where Tina is on the depression/anxiety scale. We’ve lived together as man and wife for almost eleven years now, so that’s actually a reasonably easy task.
From the amount of time it takes to get her to leave her cherished bed on a morning, to the tip-tapping of her foot, or the picking at a sore, there are a host of different signs, even before she’s opened her mouth. Should her mind migrate to years gone by, some real or imagined slight, or the million and one things that could go wrong with an upcoming scenario, then we know the anxiety is taking the lead.
Once the source of Tina’s quietness, or worry is discovered, then comes the tricky bit, how to help her with the intrusive thoughts troubling her.
As you might expect, medication is in the mix as well, and it has become part of my routine to monitor this as well. Not, thankfully, due to any fears of overdose, but more to make sure the right tablets are taken on a daily basis, and before anything too taxing crops up (we’re talking, shopping, crossing a road, some telephone calls, and anything upwards).
What else?
Taskmaster
Well, on a day-to-day basis, I think one of the most important things is recognising where Tina is on the depression/anxiety scale. We’ve lived together as man and wife for almost eleven years now, so that’s actually a reasonably easy task.
From the amount of time it takes to get her to leave her cherished bed on a morning, to the tip-tapping of her foot, or the picking at a sore, there are a host of different signs, even before she’s opened her mouth. Should her mind migrate to years gone by, some real or imagined slight, or the million and one things that could go wrong with an upcoming scenario, then we know the anxiety is taking the lead.
Once the source of Tina’s quietness, or worry is discovered, then comes the tricky bit, how to help her with the intrusive thoughts troubling her.
The brutal truth is, I can’t. Not always. Sometimes I can help distract her from them, or suggest some activity, but often all I can do is be there and absorb some of the guilt and fear. It might mean listening to stories I’ve heard before or (shudder) having to sit through a few hours of Married At First Sight: Australia, or spending an hour or two alone while Tina goes back to bed, but if that’s what Tina needs, then fine. These are small prices to pay (apart from Married At First Sight).
Near Mrs.
As I said before, I’m not trying to elevate myself into some paragon of virtue here, and this isn’t a one way street, not in the slightest. I have my failings—The things I need help with, and I know Tina will always be there to help me out with those. It is, in my opinion, how a marriage should work, two imperfect people coming together to help and support each other, providing strength where the other is weak, nurturing, lifting each other up, drying each other’s tears. It’s what it’s for.
Besides, look what I get from the deal. I get a person who is just as silly, just as childish, and just as ridiculous as me. I get to play my days away with the woman who has become my very bestest friend. I get love.
And that’s worth a hell of a lot.
Until next time…
Hey, there! If you enjoyed reading the above, why not take a look at some of my published work? Below you’ll find links to a number of short stories I’m lucky enough to have included in anthologies. I’d love to know what you think
New Tales Of Old: Volume 2
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B09TMVTX9H/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Death Ship
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/9198684140/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_TWEMTA3KWK7T89QEZPF6?fbclid=IwAR322Fx5nfgVUQAA62ZZ6CUsNnBm8pbSxPanzz6Qkjg3vAv4ESipq7iKKhs
https://www.waterstones.com/book/death-ship/david-green/s-o-green/9789198684148?fbclid=IwAR2gP4CXHSG7wTccO39wOqXFtI81k0259Ep8DUM48Ki6kTUdlKoF3yafojA
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/9198684140/ref=ewc_pr_img_1?smid=A2XZ7JICGUQ1CX&psc=1&fbclid=IwAR2Wa6sGxb82_VCsC7l1CGXwHjsSwTheqba6jDX_G8EDsywZoGpC93nXr2w
Reaperman
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reaperman-Drabbles-3-Legends-Night-ebook/dp/B099NNPTQ1A
Pestilence
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pestilence-Revelations-Black-Ink-Fiction/dp/B09MDLZGHY/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2VP38WZDWJVAF&keywords=black+ink+fiction&qid=1654090896&sprefix=black+ink+fiction%2Caps%2C218&sr=8-1
The Musketeers Vs Cthulhu
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Musketeers-Cthulhu-Court-King-Louis-ebook/dp/B09YQKQQB7/ref=sr_1_18?crid=2VP38WZDWJVAF&keywords=black+ink+fiction&qid=1654091002&sprefix=black+ink+fiction%2Caps%2C218&sr=8-18
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