It’s actually me again - the lovely wifey.
The last few weeks have been busy in the Rankin household - and for once, I have actually coped with the said business pretty well. After our garden clear-out, and 6 spanking brand new windows, our house looks completely different, and it feels different too. Let me explain.
An Untidy Mind
It’s no surprise that Mark and I aren't the most organised or tidy people. My untidiness is very much a mirror of the untidiness of my brain. I often store useless information and I hold on to damaging emotions - very much like the skill of being unable to throw anything away.
‘ just in case we might need it ‘
But this past week or so has seen us begin to clear out a lot of the clutter from our house - a job that's needed doing for as far as I can recall! .I grew up with hand-me-down clothes, eating leftovers, and having not what we wanted—but what we needed. My mum taught me to save, and taught me to reuse rather than spend on new things. Looking back, I reckon these are pretty good skills to have in life - and in today's economic crisis, these skills could be vital. But when it comes down to throwing things away you haven't used in 2 years, or getting rid of things you might have saved just in case… Decluttering becomes a necessity ( and a good excuse for your husband to not be a miser and buy new.
Family Matters
Through the particular therapy I have been exposed to , I am learning to try and declutter my thoughts and emotions. Learning that if I can't change it, then it's not worth me worrying about it. This train of thought in particular has beena life changer ( and a life saver ), especially with a particular situation that our family is dealing with at the moment.
Our mum has vascular dementia, and over the past 5 years has declined rapidly—so much so that she often doesn't recognise us, and unfortunately isn't able to look after herself anymore. I am definitely a mummy’s girl - over the years my mum has been a tremendous support to me, and knowing that she will never support me again in the way that she did makes me super sad, and super angry. But me being sad and angry won't ever change the fact that my mum is slowly disappearing…So I have to now change my thinking and just make the most of every minute we have with her, whether she remembers or not.
Wise Words
In the past, I wouldn’t have dealt with this very well - and in the beginning, just after her diagnosis, I didn't cope well at all! This, along with other factors led to my breakdown in 2020. Its taken a good chunk of time and effort (and professional help and medication) to get me to where I am today. A point where I can almost always distract myself when I feel stressed (and not resort to self harm), where I can accept change more readily, and I seem to be able to cope with difficult situations, and the mum situation is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I am grateful for a huge network of support, and this blog has become part of my support system—with the encouragement you readers give to mark and myself as we ramble on about our lives.
At this moment in time, I am struggling very much with faith etc, and those of you who know me, and know alot of my story - know that it has revolved around faith to some degree over the years. Maybe it will return, maybe not—who knows ?
But I do clearly remember these words ….
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change , the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Until next time…
Hey, there! If you enjoyed reading any of the above, why not take a look at some of my published work? Below you’ll find links to a number of short stories I’m lucky enough to have included in anthologies. I’d love to know what you think
New Tales Of Old: Volume 2
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B09TMVTX9H/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Death Ship
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/9198684140/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_TWEMTA3KWK7T89QEZPF6?fbclid=IwAR322Fx5nfgVUQAA62ZZ6CUsNnBm8pbSxPanzz6Qkjg3vAv4ESipq7iKKhs
https://www.waterstones.com/book/death-ship/david-green/s-o-green/9789198684148?fbclid=IwAR2gP4CXHSG7wTccO39wOqXFtI81k0259Ep8DUM48Ki6kTUdlKoF3yafojA
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/9198684140/ref=ewc_pr_img_1?smid=A2XZ7JICGUQ1CX&psc=1&fbclid=IwAR2Wa6sGxb82_VCsC7l1CGXwHjsSwTheqba6jDX_G8EDsywZoGpC93nXr2w
Reaperman
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reaperman-Drabbles-3-Legends-Night-ebook/dp/B099NNPTQ1A
Pestilence
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pestilence-Revelations-Black-Ink-Fiction/dp/B09MDLZGHY/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2VP38WZDWJVAF&keywords=black+ink+fiction&qid=1654090896&sprefix=black+ink+fiction%2Caps%2C218&sr=8-1
The Musketeers Vs Cthulhu
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Musketeers-Cthulhu-Court-King-Louis-ebook/dp/B09YQKQQB7/ref=sr_1_18?crid=2VP38WZDWJVAF&keywords=black+ink+fiction&qid=1654091002&sprefix=black+ink+fiction%2Caps%2C218&sr=8-18
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