Picture Perfect

“Most things in life are moments of pleasure and a lifetime of embarrassment; photography is a moment of embarrassment and a lifetime of pleasure.”
― Tony Benn

Hello Dear Readers!

Well, hasn’t it turned out nice? It has in Sunny West Yorkshire anyway. A beautiful day, warm and clear with a lovely light breeze that has made taking the dog for her walk a genuine pleasure.  A walk? You ask, aren’t you transportationally embarrassed at the moment? (See Three Wheels On My Wagon for details.) Well here’s another reason for my somewhat chipper mood at the moment.  The missing wheel has actually been fixed. Yay! As it is now four days since its replacement, I’m hoping this particular repair stays the course too.

The adventure I have lined up for you today, however, well that goes back to my period of three-wheeling. As you can probably guess the theme for today is photography. Allow me to explain.

It was, you see, just last Saturday, a mere week and a day ago, that the appointment finally came around to use the family photography package I Gave Tina for Xmas. I am Tina’s second husband, and it would seem that the termination of her previous marriage has left her with little in the way of snaps of herself and my lovely stepdaughter Sarah together, something every mother should have. For some reason she has formed the opinion that my ugly mug should be in the mix as well, I think mainly for contrast. A thorn between two roses if you will.

I jest of course. The ladies in question are undoubtedly the two most important in my life so having a nice picture of our little family seemed like a fantastic idea right from the moment the subject was first broached.

So it was, that at just before Four-Thirty, eight short days ago, the Seated Perspective party rocked up to Mark Swinford photography. One of the party considerably more slowly and unsteadily than was usual. Now I had purchased the deal many months before at the recommendation of family members who had used this particular photographer before and was aware that the visit would be challenging from an accessibility point of view. In fact I’d taken the time to speak to Mr Swinford himself, just to ensure the visit would go as smoothly as possible. I knew, therefore, that the studio was upstairs, that there was no stair-lift to make life any easier, and that the stairs were reportedly pretty steep. All of this proved to be reasonably accurate.  

I had also been promised, in the course of this phone call, that I would get as much help as was needed to make this ascent. This again proved accurate.

The stairs were indeed steep but they were also narrow and had a hand-rail running up the right hand side (as you go up). This combination meant I could just about manage to drag my weary self up there. Surprisingly, I didn’t actually need all that much help in this endeavour but I do know it was there if it had become necessary. Tina and Sarah did follow close behind me, but that was more to ensure a soft landing should the worst happen than anything else. This hurdle safely negotiated it was on to the main event itself.


via GIPHY

Now this was my first time at a professional photographer’s and I really didn’t know what to expect. Everyone was a touch nervous, I do know that, but Mark is seemingly an expert at putting people at their ease. Throughout the whole session he was laughing and joking, constantly calling Sarah ‘Doris’ much to our amusement, and making the whole experience really very enjoyable.

What he also did was to show a great deal of consideration for my disability without once coming off as condescending. This is often a difficult balance to strike for people, but Mark walked the line perfectly. For the most part I remained seated (as my perspective befits.) and the ladies were artfully draped around me in various combinations and arrangements, all accompanied with different lighting and backgrounds.

Of course eventually, a little more in the way of variety was called for and, after taking some shots of the ladies by themselves I was asked if I could stand. Now this is tricky for me without my elbow crutches (not with me), or something to lean against as I have approximately the same sense of balance as Bambi on ice after a bucket of vodka and a ride on the Waltzers. With the aid of a chair back and the support of my freakishly strong wife however I did maintain perpendicularity for long enough to get one or two shots in.  I think for the most part my lower legs were left out of the frame. A good choice as they aren't particularly photogenic.

So, photoshoot concluded, it only remained to get back down the stairs and make my wonky wheelchaired way back home. The first bit of this was achieved by the time honoured method of sliding down on my backside. It’s not a particularly dignified descent but it is quick and probably a lot safer than any other method. The second bit did not go quite as smoothly and I almost ended up in the middle of a road. (Navigating kerbs is especially tricky with a wheel missing.)

We have a second appointment to view the results of our inane grinning next Saturday and hopefully Mark’s skill will have managed to eek out some decent photos even with my devilish good looks in the mix... I just hope his camera’s okay!

Until next time…