Mum's The Word

Hello, dear reader!

Its the sainted wifey again ….. Just popping by to share some thoughts with you. Hope you don't mind!

As some of you may know, I chat quite often about my mental health journey, and part of that journey is made more challenging because of the fact that my mum has dementia. More accurately, mum has vascular dementia - and also an inoperable brain tumour, which has been diagnosed for about 7 years or so.

‘Our ‘ mum has been declining for more years than her diagnosis, and we had to make the difficult decision to place her in an EMI residential home just as the dreaded covid hit, which was perfect timing - NOT! 

Tough Times

Covid stole so much of our time with her settling her into the home, and made her very frustrated and unsettled because seemingly - we had just dumped her there and left her !.

This coincided with my own breakdown - and was a really tough time for our family, a time that actually I prefer not to remember if I'm honest.

So fast forward a little, to more recent days where mum's mental state has sadly declined more than recognition - She is definitely a changed lady, biting and spitting, kicking and screaming - mostly due I think to just pure frustration and torment. Dementia affects people very individually - some retreat back to childish ways, some lose all their motor skills, and just seemingly give in, others just become angry and frustrated, and this unfortunately is how dementia has stole mum!.

My Strength
Mum has never been a shrinking violet - she has always been a strong, independent, feisty but very loving and humorous lady, who was well known in Church circles, and the community. More importantly, she brought three kids up virtually on her own, providing what she could to make sure we were happy and loved. She was always a voice of honesty and reason, and for me in particular (my brother and sister can tell you their own opinions) she was my absolute strength.

She was there when I left my first marriage, she was there throughout court cases and really difficult situations (situations where I thought I could not survive). She was there when I fell in love again, and gave her absolute blessing when I married my very own prince charming ( yep - that's you Mark !). She has always been there, cheering me on, encouraging and supporting like no other, and literally making me cry with laughter with her naughtiness and humour.

So, as you can imagine - seeing mum now literally breaks my heart. Every time I see her, I see a little bit more of my mum stolen by the cruel dementia. A little bit less of the massive character mum was (and still is on occasions). 

I have to admit, sometimes I don't want to see her. When I ring up the home, and they tell me mum isn't well enough for a visit, I feel relieved. Of course, that relief quickly turns to guilt, and I start to question how good of a daughter I am that I don't even want to see my mum. This means I panic and have really anxious thoughts for days before we actually see her. I think up every possible scenario, and more often than not, I worry over nothing because the visit turns out to be more positive than I imagined.

Hours Of Happiness
We often find ourselves telling mum, when she gets angry because she doesn't remember someone or something, that we remember for her. Fortunately this not only gives mum comfort, but its gives us (me especially) comfort too. I have hours and hours and hours of happy memories to think of when I remember my mum, and in those times when I struggle with guilt and heartache, I try to remember the good times, and swap out the bad things with good memories.

This weekend is her birthday (81 years young), and we've planned, as a family, to take mum out. This is causing me all the anxiety and worry I mentioned earlier, but hopefully, the day will go well, and I will have some more fond memories to add.


Until next time…


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Hey, there! If you enjoyed reading any of the above, why not take a look at some of my published work? Below you’ll find links to a number of short stories I’m lucky enough to have included in anthologies. I’d love to know what you think


New Tales Of Old


Death Ship


Pestilence: Drabbles 1


Reaperman: Drabbles 3


The Musketeers Vs Cthulhu


Eldritch Investigations