Who Cares?

Hello Dear Readers!


Life, as someone once said, is a rollercoaster.
 
This is certainly  true of life at the Seated Perspective household at the moment, with this last week being just choc full of ups, downs and maybe even a few sidewayseses (Totally a word).
 
Let me explain.

Winning The Waiting Game
On the plus side there has been some really positive news from the solicitors.
 
With the final searches hurtling in we are finally (finally!) ready to complete, exchange contracts, and become proud homeowners. It’s been a long old haul (see how long ago I posted House And Home) but we are (just about) there.
 
So that will leave just the small matter of getting a new kitchen, bathroom & flooring installed; decorating throughout, installing a ramp into the back garden, oh, and about a gazillion other bits and bobs that will need to be sorted out. Still it’s exciting to think that this time next week I could be writing to you from our new forever home.

However, as exciting as all this is, there are some dark clouds gathering in those oh, so blue skies.
 
The Black Dog
My wife, Tina, who I have written about frequently, has not had the easiest of times of late (see Different Strokes ) and the last couple of weeks have been particularly tough for her.
 
There are finally things happening, in regards to her Functional Neurological Weakness. There has been another session of physiotherapy, a referral to an MSK (musculo-skeletal something-or-other) team, and she has also received her first session of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which absolutely fascinates me and I can see being hugely beneficial.
 
So, you might think, all should be good, yes? Well not quite. 

As well as her current health issues my amazing wife also battles with depression and the last couple of weeks have been difficult for her from that perspective too.
 
It certainly doesn’t help that there’s a huge amount of frustration to deal with for her at the moment, it certainly doesn’t help that she is spending a lot of time in an empty house while I’m out at work, with only the tv and a hyperactive hound (plus two cats when they can be bothered) for company, but I’ve learnt, in the last few years, that the black dog (as Tina calls it) can visit at any time, without rhyme or reason.
 
Tina has described it, in the past, as a feeling almost like someone has put a bag over her head, cutting her off from the world around her, a feeling I can only ever imagine.

So yes, things have been a little tough, there have been moments of elation, quickly followed by huge lows. there have been tears, frustration, and anger; and, I’m ashamed to say, not just from Tina.


Caring & Sharing
As a disabled person, I’m used to needing help. I don’t always like it, sometimes I hugely resent it but, especially as time marches on, I am used to it. What I’m not all that used to is having someone else rely on me for help.


I was brought up by a wonderful family and it boggles my mind to think of what my parents, in particular went through (and still go through) in dealing with a disabled child. I think that when one looks at disability in all it’s myriad forms it’s very easy to focus on the disabled person and  forget the people that surround them: the parents, the partners, the carers.; these are people who go through immensely stressful, emotional journeys, people who often sacrifice large parts of their lives to offer the levels of support needed.


The last 11 weeks have seen somewhat of a role reversal in my relationship with my wife. Although it's fair to say we share a very equitable relationship as a whole, and rely on each other to be strong where the other is weak, Tina has obviously had to get used to dealing with a disabled, wheelchair using, husband and all that that entails.I know this can sometimes be a challenge. At the moment though, I’m finding myself more in the role of carer than caree. Tina’s episode has meant picking up more of the household tasks and although I don't mind this one bit, and although this is now evening itself out, it has meant extra pressure.


It's Good To Talk
If I’m honest though, it’s more the emotional support that’s been the challenge. The depression in particular is difficult for a carer. Sometimes there is nothing one can say, nothing one can do, in order to alleviate it. Sometimes the sufferer will react unexpectedly negatively to the smallest of things, and even a compliment or well meaning word can be taken the wrong way.


I’m not ashamed to say that the start of this week saw things just becoming too much for me.

I sometimes find it hard to admit to weakness, especially to the people I'm closest to. Luckily I had the number for a counselling service provided to me through my workplace, and having a stranger listen without judgement, or even necessarily input or advice, was extremely useful. Being the introspective individual I am, this took a little time for me to unpack but I think I've managed this and I do feel on much more of an even keel again.
 
It feels a little like the dark clouds are lifting from Tina again too which is fantastic and will allow us to focus on the exciting times ahead more fully. She has also decided to follow in my footsteps and started her own blog which, if she finds it half as cathartic as I do, will be hugely beneficial. I of course reserve the right to deny anything written about myself.


Tina’s blog can be found at The Black Dog Diaries


Until Next Time!