As you can imagine - I like to make good on my promises, so here I am with your weekly muse on the Rankin 's super thrilling and exciting life, from the wife's perspective of course.
And Go
I think that as the years are creeping up on me, the chances of me getting giddy with excitement are increasingly few and far between. But I do have to admit, there are a few things coming up on our exciting life's horizon that are making me a little bit more motivated to get up on a morning. (those that know me well will quickly realise that this is a huge thing as I absolutely love my bed)
We quite often mention our daughter on this blog, she is a very favoured topic of conversation as we are very proud of her and what she does for a living (she's a paramedic). But because she lives in London, and I have massive anxiety with roads etc, this means that we haven't seen her in a good while. The last time we physically saw her in person was when she travelled to Leeds for our Joint 50th birthday back in September of last year. We haven't actually been down to see her in about 18 months, which is a long time for anyone not to see their child.
So we have planned a trip down for a few days to see her, spend some quality time with her, eat good food, and have lovely drinks in the big smoke of London.
To say I am a little bit looking forward to it is the understatement of the year. We haven't quite got to the squealing giggly giddy stage, but that will definitely come over the weekend. We travel early Monday.
In my job, I often meet people who seem to have forgotten how to be excited, or even how to be happy, and this is usually due to a life trauma or something bad happening.
Lived Experience
Often, when trauma happens, perspectives change - but I also think those perspectives can be dulled with age.
When I was younger, my happiness was often determined by my friends, and unfortunately that happiness became dependent on other people's opinions. Now - at the grand old age of 50, I can become really happy about small things like a perfect cuppa, a nice clean bed, a good balanced meal, a nice glass of wine. But have I forgotten how to be truly excited? or am I just happy to be content?
Children express excitement so vividly - their voice becomes higher, their movements more determined, their actions more animated - basically their whole body is excited. This could be for many reasons, from the sublime to the ridiculous - from seeing a favourite creature, or eating a favourite food, to going to a new place, or a fun adventure. In those times excitement is often mixed with other emotions, maybe even some fear or apprehension, but children seem to be able to handle excitement much better than adults. I do think that in many cases, this is because children don't look too far ahead, don't tend to think of consequence, and tend to live in the moment more than us boring old adults
As I have grown older, I have learned to realise that Joy and happiness are much easier emotions to deal with than fear and apprehension. People will say that life was easier for them when they were a child - but unfortunately that's not the case for everyone - me included.
Trauma Informed
My childhood was littered with trauma and difficulty. But I can still remember being excited for holidays to Butlins, Salvation army music schools, days out, ice creams, penny sweets etc etc etc. The excitement was far greater than the fear, I didn't have to think about consequences, or finances - I had a parent who did more than enough worrying for the whole of the population.
That's not to say that I was entirely sheltered, I knew a little about financial hardship, and what things cost. But I had people around me who seemed to magically make things happen, and that was enough for me.
Inevitably, innocence fades far too quickly these days, and I learned how to live and somehow survive through hardship and trauma. Having my own child and family responsibility made me view life from a different perspective, and now I even allow myself to get cautiously excited.
That's not to say that I was entirely sheltered, I knew a little about financial hardship, and what things cost. But I had people around me who seemed to magically make things happen, and that was enough for me.
Inevitably, innocence fades far too quickly these days, and I learned how to live and somehow survive through hardship and trauma. Having my own child and family responsibility made me view life from a different perspective, and now I even allow myself to get cautiously excited.
The trip to London is paid for, we have enough money for food and drink whilst we are there, and have enough emergency funds if needed. Its almost as though I've needed to get these things in place before I've allowed myself to get cautiously excited.
Doom-monger
But even though the excitement is there, its still tinged with feelings of impending doom, mainly due to things I wouldn't be able to control anyway (e.g. train delays, getting lost in London, or illness). Whilst writing this, I have consciously tried to make myself the promise of actually allowing my giddiness to escape for a limited time over the weekend ( I don't want to drive my hubby mad - or do I ?), without thinking about money, or things going wrong. Without catastrophizing
We also have a massive holiday to Turkey in September to get excited about. I wonder if I will ever just allow myself to be giddy - silly excited …… without all the caution and sensible adult - ness . Ask me in October
Until next time.
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Hey, there! If you enjoyed reading any of the above, why not take a look at some of my published work? Below you’ll find links to a number of short stories I’m lucky enough to have included in anthologie. I’d love to know what you think.
New Tales Of Old
Death Ship
Pestilence: Drabbles 1
Reaperman: Drabbles 3
The Musketeers Vs Cthulhu
Eldritch Investigations
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